Freedom

Feb 27, 2020

I take risks. Not in a high dive off of a cliff into rocky turbulent waters kind of way, but more like a front crawl out to the buoy that marks the outer extremities of the lake’s safe swimming area. I know that doesn’t sound all that risky, but you would be surprised how many people have never even done just that. I guess you could say my risks are calculated, in that if I can’t make it to the buoy, I’m sure if I start yelling loud enough someone is bound to come out and save me, right? Right?

I’ve learned, as I’m sure many have, that what may seem like an insurmountable mountain can still be overcome, if taken one step at a time, combined of course with plenty of training, supplies, support systems, patience, proper clothing, oxygen might be a good idea, and the right attitude. Strangely, with all that being said, every time I embark upon a new mountain there stands in front of me that daunting moment, that intimidating question. Really? (Yes, that is the question, and there is a lot packed into that one word).

Translated, I believe it’s called conflict. Conflict makes for great story telling, but if I’m to be honest with myself, living with weak knees and a fear of heights can be a couple of points too many to spot to the opposition, if you get my meaning. That’s why there is something extremely liberating about pretending. It’s an acquired skill, but as I learn to let go of those restrictive inner feelings that prevent me from taking chances, even if only for a short time, and substitute in instead the Clint Eastwood mentality. Well, suddenly I’m feeling kind of lucky. Punk!

I did just that in my latest audition, playing a lone astronaut hurtling through space toward an alien confrontation. Somehow, my crew, including my wife, had been accidently killed along the way (probably for the insurance, just kidding). Actually, like Margaritaville (Jimmy Buffet anyone), it could have been my fault. So, there I am, in front of a panel of America’s Got Talent young adult film maker judges pretending to turn fictitious dials and look at fabricated screens, while having a snippy verbal exchange with the make believe onboard integrated computer system. What a life.

I have to say though, that having a decent audition followed by a great commute back to my evening Foundations class, where I got to do a monologue playing a slimy police detective, was like drinking a double shot of acting espresso. I found myself staring at the ceiling for a little while later that night before I was able to get to sleep, and when I’m getting up at 4:30 in the morning to go to the gym (crazy, don’t I know it), I’m sure one can appreciate that’s not a lot of rest time. But, as I’ve always said, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead”.

Connecting with people and self-promotion have always been weak spots in my grand arsenal of weak spots, but as time goes on, I am surprisingly getting a little better at it. I’m sending out submissions regularly and picking up the odd audition (I have another one this weekend). I have recently been working with a female vocalist and have another guitarist on tap. There are a couple of venues on the horizon. I’m learning about hashtags while trying to dig up readership and am handing out business cards where appropriate. It might not sound like much, but for me it’s getting pretty close to swimming past that buoy on the lake.

Changing behavior and adapting to a different kind of lifestyle can definitely be uncomfortable at times, at least for me anyways. But then that’s what ProjectBigSkinny is all about, learning how to get past survival mode and begin the process of reaching into the creative world without stress. Every once in a while, I get a sample of what that might taste like and I’m becoming fond of the flavour.

As a hobby I’ve been writing on and off now for quite some time, but as I put more effort into it, I am hopeful that it will evolve into something more. In fact, I am endeavouring to connect with someone of significance who might be able to help me develop a project related to this blog that I have been working on.

Guess I’d better buy some water wings, because I’m putting that buoy behind me.

Until next time.

P.S. If you enjoy reading my blogs and find them entertaining please click the like button or subscribe to my site and leave a comment. It might inspire me to swim across the entire lake next time. The narrow part, of course. Cheers.